So What Now?

Now I'm home in the great state of Ohio...

Everyone asks me if it's great to be home and it is. Sort of. There are things I like, things I love and things that I really hate about living here. And by here I don't mean America. I'm not going to post an anti-America anti-materialism rant here. That's not what I mean.

I mean I like seeing everyone and hanging out and going to church and (obviously) seeing Big Brother and As the World Turns.

But...it's kind of boring here. And I need to find a job and earn a living, and blah, blah, blah...

I don't know. There's a lot of good stuff coming up (wedding, sweetcorn blackberry ice cream, that kind of stuff), but I miss Iraq.

That's right, I said it. I miss it. I miss Joan and Lucy (both of them) and Doris and Wally and Stanley and Ernie and Todd. I miss doing work that I really liked.

On the flip side, I do not miss 4 hours of electricity per day or the black wind. Or the honking!

I don't really have any profound insights on my transition. I'm just keeping the blog up-to-date.

F-A-N-Tastic

Whoever is responsible for the decision that I Angie and I would stay with a family in London instead of a hotel was a genius. I will pretend that it was me, so I can take the credit.

I will write more later, but I am having a great time. We had a BBQ yesterday and I ate more food than I've eaten at one time. Perhaps ever.

OK, OK. That last bit isn't true and Sis knows the truth....Vegas buffets...

But it's great to be in London and it's great to be staying with great people.

Almost Over

I was chided twice today about not keeping up with the blog this week.

"It seems that if you're going to have a blog, you should make an effort to post somewhat regularly..."

Well, I haven't written anything because I'm tired of reading. I want to spend the rest of the post writing about how we all spend too much time talking and not enough time doing, and that, if we were busier doing the work of God, we wouldn't have so much free time to analyze our part in it or to judge the others doing it, or to come up with theories to justify our inactivity.

But I won't. I don't really feel like it, and, honestly, you'll all do what you want anyway.

I've been really busy this week planning and executing the work here. We finally have a project that I am really excited about and another in the proposal stages.

But, I'm leaving.

And the projects will go on without and the work will be fine. No problem. And I'm going home to good things, I know. But a little (Ok big) part of me will miss this place. And these people. My life will never be like this again. On Thursday morning I'll say good-bye to a life that I'll never have again. It's not like the good-bye in January; I know I'd have that again.

And I know that there are parts of this that I am happy to leave behind. But it's weird to think that when I step out the door Thursday morning, it's over.

Even if I come back here, it won't be the same. Pieces will be missing. Maybe it will be better, but it won't be the same.

I'm not complaining, I'm just a little sad to see it go.

Happy 4th of July

Not much to report, but we did have barbecued chicken, baked beans, macaroni and cheese and applesauce for lunch. Plus a dessert called peach kuchen. We renamed it Peach Freedom Cake to keep things American. No German desserts for us, no sir.

The only detraction from the meal was the presence of the Kurdish salad (aka tomato and cucumber chunks), but I suffered through it. Oh, and, of course, the meal ended with little glasses of tea.

But, then again, maybe you will all have little glasses of tea following your holiday lunch. I don't know.

Also, just FYI, I was going to add pics here, but I don't really have any that are internet ready, so you'll have to wait.

Introducing Lucy

Yes, I know this blog already has one Lucy, but now there are two.

One day I hope to write about the cultural significance of this picture, but for now enjoy this picture of a dog driving a car.

More From Joan w/pics

Joan's Class - 07/01/06 - Massage Me, Baby (One More Time)

• 8:26 - Joan requests the "baby doll" for massage practice. She is given the two creepiest dolls in Kurdistan (and, perhaps, all of Iraq)
• 8:27 - I take a picture of Joan and the creepy twins
• 8:30 - Joan puts one of the creeps on the floor with all of the "dirt, dog and spit"
• 8:31 - Class begins like a lion. Will probably end like a lamb
• 8:32 - No, that's March... class begins, nonetheless
• 8:34 - Joan decides to practice first, which means I have to leave the room. But then come back for Joan's lecture. Joan sucks
• 8:40 - Look at my calendar
• 8:45 - Make a to-do list
• 8:46 - Read a book
• 9:02 - Class begins again
• 9:03 - Joan draws a row of teepees. Oops, I mean a spine. A spine.
• 9:05 - I don't think anyone's paying attention today. It is very hot.
• 9:06 - Joan's baby has Torticollis
• 9:07 - I think about writing a book: "Effleurage and the Spastic Child." Maybe Mamosta Karim will help me publish it.
• 9:14 - Still hot
• 9:15 - I think on day 6 we should all know that, if we work the front of the legs, we also work the back of the legs. I know this information. Why am I the only one?
• 9:18 - Joan makes the baby dance
• 9:20 - Something is happening that I don't understand
• 9:24 - Not all therapies will have the same results with every patient
• 9:28 - If your face is paralyzed, you must tap it. Vigorously
• 9:30 - Student asks for a free massage

That's the end of Joan's class for the day. I spent this afternoon at a Kurdish friend's house trying to watch the rest of the film Troy. We started it yesterday and had to stop when the power went out. We didn't finish today either! I am looking at a third day of the movie. And it's crap! Why can't Brad Pitt act? I saw Fight Club. Good. I saw Twelve Monkies. Good. His Achilles is painful.

Perhaps he should massage it.

Back By Popular Demand

Well, at least Lucy is enjoying my daily updates from Joan's classes. Which, by the way, will become three on July 12! Congrats, Joan.

But before I start, if you didn't go to cbs.com and vote for Jenelle, you cannot read on...

Joan's Class - 06/27/06 - Review and Trigger Point a go-go

Special Note: Call Ernie at 9:15

• 8:30 - Joan begins lecturing students
• 8:31 - Why do we do massage? Because Joan makes us do it, that's why?
• 8:32 - Think about taking picturses. Realize that I just wrote "picturses." Ponder likelihood of dyslexia, probably don't haev ti.
• 8:34 - Whoa! Slow down, Joan. You are moving way too fast! Haha, you said spasticity.
• 8:35 - Joan draws her own colon this time. Notably inferior to mine.
• 8:36 - OK, 8:35 was mostly bitterness. I never even saw the colon picture; Joan stood in front of it.
• 8:37 - Yikes! That colon is hideous. Whew, Joan erased it.
• 8:43 - Fascism is like Saran Wrap
• 8:44 - Dang, it is hot today.
• 8:50 - Remember to take deep breaths
• 8:51 - "When you are holding pressure on the Trigger Point..." Joan never gets to finish this statement
• 9:00-9:30 - Text message Ernie and Lucy.

Joan's Class II - 06/27/06 - Groove is in the Heart, but it's probably just referral groove.

• 10:00 - Surprise! It's Helga!
• 10:07 - Class begins
• 10:08 - Joan draws a man on the board. I think, from the looks of him, it was his colon in the first class
• 10:15 - Take more pictures
• 10:22 - Joan pulls out the Saran Wrap again
• 10:25 - Realize that Joan put an "x" on each of her drawing's butt cheeks
• 10:30 - Almost fall asleep, but then I don't
• 10:35 - This seems to be going well
• 10:38 - You always "wanna work the hips."
• 10:43 - Ernie asks a question as if he were a real student
• 10:46 - Joan puts Ernie on the message table and exposes his stomach. He is embarrassed. I take pictures.
• 11:04 - I don't know what hypertonic means
• 11:11 - We move rooms. Helga leaves
• 11:30 - Ernie and I go to the Chai Xane while Joan and the Therapists practice messaging one another
• 11:50 - Class ends
• 11:52 - Student asks for a free massage

Joan's Class - 06/28/06 - More TP Practice

• 8:24 - Joan calls the child volunteer "him" when the child is clearly a "she." Realize that the Kurds don't know the difference
• 8:25 - Joan tries to eat the child volunteer
• 8:30 - Class starts as Joan tries to massage child volunteer. "He" screams. I think about taking pics, but no one wants pictures of crying babies.
• 8:33 - Kid stops crying. I take some pictures
• 8:40 - Practice, practice, practice
• 8:41 - Mr.Muscle diagram gets passed out. Finally. After 18 weeks.
• 8:42 - Effleurage sounds like a type of plant. As in: "The effleurage around the mailbox is dry and brown. Poor effleurage.
• 8:50 - PTs begin to practice massage. I read a book.
• 9:15 - Pause in my reading to make this note
• 9:19 - Class is over. Joan is a nice teacher for letting them out early.
• 9:50 - I'm sitting in the CRC waiting room. At present no one is crying, but lady with a wicked mole walked by and gave me the evil eye. I deflect the evil eye with the "watchoo lookin' at" eye.
• 9:52 - Wonder to myself whether Joan is helping to massage children or if she's sitting out a tennis match with her grandkids...

An Hour in the Life

So, Joan started a class at the Children's Rehabilitation Center teaching massage to Physical Therapists. I go along to these classes because Joan can't travel alone. I also take detailed notes of the class.

I thought I could share these notes with you all here and you'd know how I spend my days.

Joan's Class - 06/21/06 - Abdominal Massage + Stuff

• Attendance = 0
• Poor Joan!
• 8:35 - Pass out colons
• 8:36 - Remember that I forgot to write: "8:35 - Have Kurdish corrected because @ 8:22 - didn't know the word for adult and made one up."
• 8:37 - Joan puts a Kurd on the massage table
• 8:39 - Joan massages a man with a spastic colon
• 8:41 - He dies
• 8:42 - just kidding. Also recount class. Attendance = 10
• 8:45 - Lady with great teeth comes in late
• 8:49 - Joan gracefully answers insulting question
• 8:55 - Joan passes out
• 8:56 - I mean paper: Joan passes out paper
• 9:00 - Realize class is half over. mourn rejoice
• 9:01 - Split class to practice massage
• 9:03 - Sit outside where it is hot and watch men massage each others' stomachs
• 9:15 - Fall asleep
• 9:20 - Define "millennium"
• 9:23 - Explain that, no, I am not a physical therapist, but an office administrator
• 9:24 - This is met with "thank you," which is a pleasant surprise
• 9:25 - Come back into classroom
• 9:26 - Joan says "any questions?"
• 9:27 - There is much Kurdish chatter, but no actual questions
• 9:30 - Student asks for a free massage

Joan's Class - 06/24/06 - Trigger Point Introduction

• 8:25 - Draw face on Joan's handout. Starts as an attempt to cure baldness of the Trigger Point head, but ends in "Japanification" of Trigger Point head
• 8:29 - Draw yet another colon on the board; also draw a semi-colon
• 8:30 - First student arrives
• 8:30(2) - Joan asks me to make a note to check on elbow replacement
• 8:34 - Joan ruins my colon picture with a giant circular squiggle (aka: blight) meant to represent the belly button, but which actually represents her disdain for my artistic endeavors
• 8:38 - A previously unseen student straggles in on day 3 (DAY 3!)
• 8:39 - Notice that "Teeth" isn't in class
• 8:40 - Class gets off to a roaring start
• 8:45 - Joan's diagram complains of shoulder pain. Joan says that this is due to Trigger Points. I think it's because he doesn't have any arms.
• 8:50 - Disagreement on inflammation and the use of ice and heat causes Joan to use the word "spastic" in its proper usage and by its clinical definition
• 8:51 - Lost my pen!
• 8:54 - Learn that the first step in Trigger Point massage is to find the trigger point
• 8:55 - Agree to make a note to remember the muscle diagram for Tuesday
• 9:00 - Find pen during "Are we going to the clinic" debate
• 9:02 - Make a note to remember the muscle diagram for Tuesday (see above)
• 9:05 - Realize that I haven't been paying attention to Joan's lecture since 9:00 when I found my pen. Feel a little guilty, but not very much really.
• 9:10 - PTs want to massage burn and fracture patients. Desperately. Next may want to massage people with fevers and open sores. Also, probably, leprosy
• 9:12 - I am on page 3!
• 9:14 - PTs like to get off-track a lot
• 9:17 - Joan uses "speed bump" analogy which I think was appreciated
• 9:19 - Joan starts touching people
• 9:21-9:24 - Everyone feels volunteer's shoulder "bumps"
• 9:26 - Better or worse are both good apparently
• 9:28 - Everyone fermu danishes
• 9:30 - Joan passes out papers and is tewaw
• 9:33 - Just kidding, not tewaw
• 9:34 - Really tewaw

Joan's Class II - 06/25/06 - Introduction to Massage. etc.

• 10:10 - Class officially begins. I think Joan is worried about filling two hours. Sidenote: the lady from the Maternity Hospital is kind of annoying
• 10:15-10:20 - Take pictures. Get off my back, Joan
• 10:20 - I got nothing here...
• 10:25 - Adult Rehab Center = ARC, Children's Rehab Center = CRC
• 10:29 - Joan decides to teach massage in the context of back and shoulder pain. I hope she needs to practice. On me
• 10:34 - I am tired. I need to take a nap
• 10:35-10:43 - Take more pictures. I hope they turn out
• 10:45 - Why is today's list/notes so boring? Don't know, but vow to find out
• 10:53 - Person on bench turns around to view muscle diagram; accidentally makes a "fart" noise at which point Joan goes silent. Coincidental, but humorous
• 10:55 - Tennis Elbow discussion. Joan asks "Well, are they really playing tennis?" I think "No. They had better sit this one out..."
• 11:00 - Joan ends class
• 11:01 - Student asks for free massage

There you have it. Three hours of my life in summary form.

By the way,

fermu danishe = welcome, sit

tewaw= finished

Every Vote Counts

OK. Now's the time!

Vote for your favorite Big Brother All-star.

Seriously. Do it.

Vote for Janelle or Will or Janelle and Will if you so choose.

But, if I catch you voting for "Bunky," Ivette or Mike "Boogie," I will hunt you down. I mean really, grown men calling themselves Bunky and Boogie. It's just not right, people, it's just not right.

And don't get me started on Ivette...

Is it sad that I'm so excited to watch this show this summer?

Eight Days

Exciting things that have happened in the last 8 days (in no particular order):

1) Went to the bazaar in the mid-day sun and almost died of heat exhaustion (thanks to Lucy)

2) Went with a Kurdish friend to talk to another Kurdish friend's father about the latter Kurdish friends desire to marry his dad's new wife's sister; mostly "listened"

3) Was bitten by first Kurdish friend in #2

4) Said "Xwa Hafiztan" to D and J who left the country and headed back to the USA

5) Drew picture of the human colon for Joan's class

5) Was introduced to a Kurd who told me that people say "F*** your mother" to him all the time because he wants to be a rapper, found it very hard to believe

6) Had some saffron ice cream

7) Spent a whole day in bed thanks to #1 and the effect #2 had on my beauty rest

8) Celebrated Ernie's birthday

9) Bought some new shirts at the bazaar (see #1)

10) Made a list of things I did over the past eight days

11) Watched a little World Cup

12) Checked my e-mail

13) Did not go to Vegas with my family

14) Began reading Arabian Nights

15) Visited one of Saddam's prisons here. "Drove" a tank