Dear Mr. President,
Congratulations on your inauguration.
I got my new power cord yesterday, so we both had a pretty good day.
I am trying to be positive about your presidency. It's not really related to you. I had a dream during the election circus in which I was stuck at a 7-11 without a ride home. You gave me a ride. You were very pleasant.
I've never had a dream about a president or even a candidate before and it made me feel good about you. Like maybe it was a good omen.
But that only lasted until I turned on the tv. Maybe I have a contrary nature, but I can't believe that, if the media tells me you're the nation's savior, it's true. Your supporters are kind of nuts. Today, Oprah called you the Light of the New Age, or something crazy like that.
That woman has lost her mind.
The day before the inauguration, she interviewed Ashton Kutcher. No one understands the magnitude of swearing in the first black president like Ashton Kutcher.
And the Ashton Kutchers make me nervous. They're telling me that now is a time to come together and forget about party affiliation or ideological differences. Why couldn't we do that when you didn't agree with the president?
They're telling me that now is the time for us to serve our country. It's funny to me because Bush said the same thing after 9/11. If we had truly done it then, we wouldn't be in the position we're in now.
I think the difference is that you use the rhetoric of hope and change rather than Bush's focus on security and war. I get that.
I want to wish you good luck with your presidency and I promise to do my best not to judge you by the giant cloud of morons that have made you their messiah. I just ask you not to fall for your own myth.