I have been having a couple of laptop problems lately. First, my trackpad no longer works. I am not sure what that's all about. Second, my music is playing all funky.

With the trackpad, I've tried reinstalling the driver to no avail, so I am using a wireless mouse instead. No real problem, but I had gotten used to using the trackpad, and now I prefer it.

The music issue, though, has been a real problem. Everything sounds all fuzzy and weird. My first thought was that my speakers and/or soundcard were giving out. Turns out that iTunes was to blame.

I had to revert to an older version and recopy all the CDs I had copied in the last few weeks. Now, my music sounds as good as it ever did. Crisis averted!

I know this isn't the most exciting post, but it's great news for me.

The interesting thing that's been going on in parallel to my computer problems is that I'm also having church problems. Believe it or not Angie and I went to tonight's service and walked out before Tom gave the message. She has a lot of bitterness (my word, not hers) about how she was treated when she worked there and I have a lot of bitterness about the way the whole missions council thing went down last summer (and how it's literally "gone down" ever since).

I guess I think it's based in seeing what could be rather than what is and wishing that it was something else. I won't speak for Angie here, but there are a lot of people in the church with talents that aren't being nurtured and utilized. And, yes, I mean me here. But also .... Oh, I can't name names here. I don't know how readily people want to be associated with this rant!

How do I maintain my place in the community of the church when I am increasingly unable to get behind the structure of the church? How do I stay involved when I had to walk away from the one thing that I wanted to be involved in?

I am still going to home group (and enjoying every minute of it, I might add) and I went on a "missions" trip, and I continue to follow what's going on in cross-cultural ministry at the church, and....

...but I feel like I have more to offer. But I don't know how to do that within the structure as it stands. I feel like that is closed to me now because I stepped down from the missions council position. I feel like I was forced out of that. So now what?

How much of what I'm feeling is real? How much of it is bitterness based in pride? I mean, I think that I could run the missions council better than it is being run now and I always could have if I had ever been giving the freedom to do what needed to be done rather than mimicking what didn't work. Is that pride, or is it the truth?

I think I know the answer to that. Hence the bitterness.

Bitterness isn't quite the right word, but I think y'all understand me.

But, on the brightside, I can listen to Goldfrapp again without distortion.

1 comment:

angiesmommo said...

Maybe God is trying to tell you that He wants you to start your own church.