Saved

I was planning to start looking for a new job since this one is set to end soon.

BUT

I got this in my in-box today

The sum of $1 000.000.00 USD through Western union Gold Card is waiting in
your favour,as we have been given the mandate to transfer your full compensation
payment of total sum of $1 000,000.00 USD via western union Gold Card by this
governemnt of the IMF and the united nations board of trustee and directors here
in the (ECOWAS) CENTRAL BANK of west africa LOME TOGO .
Tel;+2280984779
Manager Dr.Tete Dankwa
d.funddepartment@mail15.com
Congratulations once more.
Thanks Mrs Anna Lawson.

So, I'm good.

The Ends of the Earth

I found this posting on a long-dead blog. I wrote it in June 2007.

It's just as appropriate today.

Then the word of the LORD came to me, saying: “ Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you a servant to the nations.”
Then said I: “ Ah, Lord GOD! Behold, I cannot serve, for I am unskilled.”
But the LORD said to me: “ Do not say, ‘I am unskilled,’ For you shall go to all to whom I send you, And whatever I command you, you shall serve. Do not be afraid of their faces, For I am with you to deliver you,” says the LORD.

I rewrote the scripture (Yikes!) to make it personal to me. It's pretty cool when you read it like that. I think God does this for all of us. He calls us and He tells us what to do, but we say “Whoa. Yeah, I don't think so. I am too _________.” I know I did, I still do. But He says, “Nope, I know BETTER than that. I know you can do it, because I am with you and will make it possible.”
Too often, we get stuck in the “Whoa!” and are too scared to believe the “I know better” part. I see it all the time. In myself and other people.

The following verses where God touches Jeremiah's mouth made me think. I started thinking about how cool it must have been to be touched by God and then I remembered that God had touched me, too. I mean, not like I had forgotten all about it, but Jeremiah talks about God touching him and anointing him to say what God wanted to say, so I wasn't thinking about my own experience.

But, nonetheless, God did touch me once. I can confidently say that when I needed Him, He held my hand. I don't mean metaphorically, either. I mean I felt Him. When I think of that in Jeremiah's context I think “If God touched Jeremiah's mouth to give him words so he could speak, then he must have touched my hand to show me compassion so I could be compassionate.”

I think that's something I'm not great at: giving compassion. “Ah, Lord GOD! Behold, I cannot serve, for I am unskilled.” But Jeremiah didn't speak his own words, he spoke the words of the Lord.

Another New Post !?!

Today, I helped my sister, Erin, move stuff from one house to another. All in all, it wasn't too bad.I think everyone knows how I feel about moving, but she was pretty well-together and we just had one truckload of goods to load and unload.

She and I had lunch and talked about a number of things. One thing we discussed was prophecy and specifically the gift of. I really think it's a very powerful gift. I'm sure most of you are thinking something like "duh" at this point, but hear me out.

I don't mean it's powerful in the God-reveals-the-future-and-changes-lives kind of way, although it is. I mean it's powerful in the more subtle God-knows-you-and-has-a-message-for-you kind of way; a way that breaks into your everyday life and points you towards God.

I've been reading the Gospel of John for a few weeks now praying and meditating on what Jesus is doing in that particular book. I haven't made it very far to be honest, because I am struck by the first miracle in the book.

Philip found Nathanael and said to him, "We have found Him of whom Moses in the Law and also the Prophets wrote--Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph." Nathanael said to him, "Can any good thing come out of Nazareth?" Philip said to him, "Come and see." Jesus saw Nathanael coming to Him, and said of him, "Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom there is no deceit!" Nathanael said to Him, "How do You know me?" Jesus answered and said to him, " Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you." Nathanael answered Him, "Rabbi, You are the Son of God; You are the King of Israel."

Is it a miracle? I think so, I mean, Nathaniel certainly seemed to think so. He says "You are the Son of God; You are the King of Israel." Why? He says this because Jesus tells him something about himself that a normal man could not know. Before you were called to come to me, I knew what you were doing.

Jesus answered and said to him, "Because I said to you that I saw you under the fig tree, do you believe? You will see greater things than these." And He said to him, "Truly, truly, I say to you, you will see the heavens opened and the angels of God ascending and descending on the Son of Man."

I just find this all very interesting. I think I know why Nathaniel is so excited by Jesus' statement. Sometimes, when I go to church, I secretly hope that the pastor will call me by name and say something prophetic to me. Anything at all. "Robert, God has a word for you: Stop obsessing over nachos," or "Robert, God has laid it on my heart to tell you to go to bed earlier."

I have seen "greater things than these" and yet I still desire the simple thing, the "I saw you under the fig tree."

Hey, You

We're all friends here, right? I can be honest with you? I can share my fears and you won't judge? You won't give me trite advice and write me off, right?

Joan told me yesterday that she feels like Angie and I are about to have all the money we need and I really want to believe her. I mean, I already believe that God wants us to go to Iraq and I believe that now is the time. I believe it at about 80%. It fluctuates. Sometimes I believe it 100%, but then reality strikes.

I've been calling and e-mailing trying to drum up support and nobody's biting. It will take a miracle to make this happen.

But I have a secret. I don't believe in miracles. I mean I believe the ones in the Bible, and I believe the stories about what happened to other people, but, come on, they just don't happen to most of us.

I remember that I prayed for a miracle for Aunt Che and she just got worse to the point that I had to pray for her to die to end her suffering. That's just not fair.

I remember that I prayed for a miracle when Grandma Rosie was in the hospital. You know how that turned out?

So, here's how I think this will go based on past experience: We won't get the money. We won't go on March 9. I'll suck it up and plow ahead like I always do and a year from now I'll talk about how it was probably better that we didn't go and how I must have misheard God's voice. I'll advocate that everyone is cautious and prayerful and fasts before making decisions. I'll talk about how this "other thing" is so much better than the thing I want so desperately right now.

It won't be fair, but I guess that's how this game is played. I mean my dad died and I've convinced myself that my life turned out better because of it. This should be a piece of cake to sugar-coat.

Or maybe I'm wrong and everything will turn out fine. Maybe God will hear my cry of desperation.

And I know there are spiritual things that I don't understand, but there are earthly things that I do and all I know is that I am tired of sucking it up and moving on. I don't want to do that this time.

But I will. I'll come to my senses again maybe on March 10 and I'll put on my brave face and find another way forward.

But it'll break my heart.