Tonight I went to the Grandview Theater to watch Doctor Who. This is no big deal, except that I went by myself. To a theater. By myself.
I wanted to watch the show and had no one to go with, so I had to decide between sitting and home feeling sorry for myself or going alone.
One time I went to Iraq by myself. That was a much bigger deal and sometimes I forget that, if I can do that, I can probably do most things that confront me.
The flip side of that, though, is that I was once confronted by Iraq and all that goes with that - language, culture, finding community, worshiping Jesus. Today I'm confronted by things that feel stupid. Like whether or not to go to a theater.
What I'm saying simply is that most things I do seem dull and I don't want to do dull.
I feel like I'm waiting. Between adventures in the past and adventures in the future.
I know it doesn't make sense. What I've written is vague and shallow feeling. It feels like that to me, too.
I hate to use television as metaphor (or maybe I love it), but I feel like a former companion of the Doctor. In this metaphor, the Doctor = adventure = God. I feel like I have been left behind and the adventures now continue with other people. I hate that most of all.
I'm done thinking about it for now.